Your Money is Now Ours

Matty’s 2010, as revealed thus far.

Dec 31, 2009, 8:47 pm – Matty posts final, 52nd bloggage of 2009.

Dec 31, 2009, 11:24 pm Matty begins losing at Yahtzee to the ninja.

Jan 1 2010, 4:24 am – Matty gets a phone call from Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber, asking for help only Matty can provide.

Jan 2 2010 – April 25, 2010: A time of Mystery during which Matty is as absent as your mom’s navel.

April 26, First bloggatry of the year.

—
“Help me, Matty Boom Boom, you’re my only hope”

So were the words of Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber, a mere 22 pizza rolls, 12 games of Yahtzee, and 4 hours into the new year.

“Listen, A&W,” said I, “I haven’t played Streetfighter in years, I don’t know if I’m really –“

“No no, this isn’t about the Streetfighter circuit…although there is this cocky young turk with thumbs the size of …no, no don’t distract me, you rogue, this is important. What do you know about exotic travel shows?” Sir Dubbsy asked.

“Just what unfortunate outtakes I’ve seen on When Animals Attack, why?”

“Well, I’m in charge of a new BBC documentary series about musical theater in primitive cultures around the world. David Attenborough wants to host, but I’ll be doing small professional theater in St Paul before I let that happen.”

I chortled at that thought.

Then I chortled about that time that Chowie fell down.

Then I chortled about the thing I wrote up there about your mom’s navel. Heh. Sneech.

“We can’t let that geriatric honky host my precious program! Boom Boom, you need to challenge him. You need to wrestle David Attenborough for control of my show!”

I didn’t even need to ask Oprah about this one. “Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber,” I crowed, “I’m your man.”

Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion!

Until next time, I remain,
David Attenborough’s Worst Nightmare