When last we left off, bombshells were dropped, worlds were rocked. It was like Kabul, or Chowie’s bathroom. Yup, Matty Boom Boom had revealed himself as a top secret agent.

Well, he was on a secret mission. His official agency (real estate, cleansing, or otherwise) had, as yet, been unestablished.

Okay, listen, times are tight. We all gotta do what we gotta do to survive. And that includes working for Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber.

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Let me paint the scene for you, with my words. It’s New Year’s Day - technically - 4:26am, January the oneth, 2010. Matty’s throbbing head is situated up his shoulders, occupied entirely with deciphering the method by which the No Refunds Ninja has been beating him soundly at Yahtzee for the last 7 hours (cheating, we decided). When all of a New York minute the phone rings. Which is weird. The phone is actually Leviticus’ mom’s cell phone which she let him use for his internship, which is not, by the way, why it’s weird that it rang. The reason it’s weird that it rang is because only Leviticus’ Mom, Sarah Palin, and the division of the Minneapolis Police directly involved with mail fraud have the number, and they were all there playing Yahtzee (and losing to the Ninja) with us.

Trepidatiously, I answered the phone. “Boom Boom, Darling!” a mellifluous voice lilted on the other end, in a decidedly un-american accent. “I’ve been trying to reach you for simply ages!”

Now, usually, when someone with a foreign accent has been trying to reach me for simply ages, it involves phony magazine subscriptions and the government of Tonga. So I cannily responded…

“Uh…your mom?”

A titter bubbled from the other end “Oh, Matty you Cad! I do believe I’ve been served!”

“Ummm…this isn’t Billy Joel, is it?”

“That loathsome dwarf? Hardly!” guffawed my conversational cohort, “It is I, Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber!”

“Oh. Wussup, Andy Dubbs?”

“Chilling, my colleague. I am merely chilling. But listen, Boom Boom, I’m afraid I am in desperate need of help that only you may provide.”

And then Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber proceeded to lay out his dilemma, which would send me far and wide on an adventure worthy of a Kevin Sorbo movie.

Which I will relate, in the next blog…

Until next time, I remain,
In the service of the queen…as it were.